You knock loudly on my door and bark Open up, it’s me.
I look through the peephole, my breath catching in my throat. Not knowing what else to do, I let you in. You push past me, sit on the couch, pull out a cigarette and press it to your lips. I wince. I came to say I’m sorry, Baby Doll.
I shouldn’t be scared. After all, we had a past. One in which, at the sight of you, settled itself onto the furniture, the sheets. A past that refused to leave no matter how many times I tried to wash it away. I guess Tide doesn’t really get all the stains out.
I shouldn’t be scared. After all, I use to love you. Love even the sun and the moon were jealous of. I still think about the night we met, how kind you were, how sweet… but then I remember who you became.
I shouldn’t be scared. After all, you use to love me too… right? I don’t think you remember the night your breath was so thick with whiskey you couldn’t think straight. You- you were saying things i never thought would come out of your mouth. I blamed on the alcohal till I realized you have been sober for hours. Do you remember when I asked you if you loved me? How you pushed me against the wall and said Of course, Baby, of course. But you weren’t looking at me, I know.
I shouldn’t be scared. After all, that’s what you told me the night you forced yourself inside of me, smirking. You told me that this is what love feels like. But I only remember the pain. The blood, the bruises, the stench of cigarette smoke. The musk of the men waiting in line for a taste of your girl.
Yeah, I’m sorry too. I say in a whisper, my voice getting louder with every word till I’m screaming. I’m sorry that I met you, that you ever came into my life. I am sorry that I tricked myself into thinking you loved me and that I could ever forgive you. I’m sorry that I even bothered trying.
I pause to see his mouth agape in shock, the cigarette balancing on his lip. But you know what? I say deadly calm. I’m not going to make those same mistakes twice. Get out of my house. You are unwelcomed here. Don’t bother ever coming back.
I shouldn’t be scared. After all, now you can never hurt me again.